I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
