There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
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