OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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