i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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