Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
