Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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