Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
