jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
