come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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