So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
