But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
