Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
