I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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