i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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