She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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