Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
They are going to name an STD after you.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
