I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Randomize
