Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
