Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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