All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
