so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
