we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
