I want to have your abortion
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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