Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize
