I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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