Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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