I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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