I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize