Do you still have your period?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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