My hand turned me down
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
