I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
