Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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