....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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