so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
He felt like a one man threesome
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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