we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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