it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize