dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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