I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize