i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
