pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
