Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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