Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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