Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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