I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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