so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
