you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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