is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
