He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
