i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
