I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
