Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
