Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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