I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize