I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
