We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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