thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
