If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
