some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
