my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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