BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
