Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
COCAINE IS GR8
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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