a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
