Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
