ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
