it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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