I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
