My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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