he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
