I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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